{"id":457,"date":"2021-06-30T09:07:07","date_gmt":"2021-06-29T23:07:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/?p=457"},"modified":"2021-06-30T09:25:06","modified_gmt":"2021-06-29T23:25:06","slug":"microfiction-june-2021","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/archives\/457","title":{"rendered":"#MicroFiction, June 2021"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I’ve started writing microfiction, a self-contained story that fits in a single Mastodon<\/a> post. Here are the stories I’ve written up to 30 June 2021.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n

28 May 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We invented a time machine. People were excited at first, but then the negative reviews appeared. They said it was \u201cinauthentic\u201d because Italian food had no tomato, Indian food had no chillies, and Mexican food had no coriander. And everyone missed cinnamon hot chocolate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

29 May 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Grok came and sat with me by the fire, his heavy-set brow furrowed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe have to talk about these inventions of yours.\u201d He glanced over at the wheeled toy his toddler was rolling on the ground. \u201cThey don\u2019t seem \u2026 useful.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I ignored him, continuing to whittle away woodchips from my super-wheel, round in every dimension. Grok pointed at the sphere. \u201cI mean, whose child is going to want to play with that?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Just then, the wolves howled in the dark, so nearby.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cTheirs,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

30 May 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n

We proved that string theory was correct. Every fundamental particle in the universe was made up of a tiny ten-dimensional string twisted up in a tangle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I looked at the formula for the electron. It goes \u201cknit one, purl one\u201d, over and over.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Somehow I get the feeling that God is ribbing us.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

31 May 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n
\n

The geophys results were in. The gravitational anomaly under the archaeological dig in New Mexico was city-sized and dense, at least 15 kg per litre. I picked up the phone to call my supervisor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But I called my parents first. They had invested heavily in bullion. Dad picked up the phone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cDad,\u201d I said, hurriedly. \u201cSell.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

1 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Computer science no longer excited me. I looked in the \u201cpositions open\u201d list. The job ad for the librarian position read:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYour two most challenging tasks will be:
\u2022 Selecting which books are to be removed from the Collection, and
\u2022 Allocating catalogue numbers to books.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

How hard can that be? I thought. It\u2019s just cache invalidation and naming things.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

2 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I was working on a shortlist of names for my kitten. I was quite partial to Eris, because the kitten was a chaotic menace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That night, Eris, the goddess of strife and discord, came to my dreams. She looked weakened, ephemeral, drawn. She pleaded, \u201cEvery time my name is reused, some of my power is taken away with it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The next morning, I named my kitten Eris.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

3 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I hadn\u2019t talked to Grandpa since he got uploaded. He walked in with a spring in his step that I hadn\u2019t seen in years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis body is amazing,\u201d he gushed. \u201cDid you know that I can see all the way from ultraviolet to infrared now?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t seem impressed. How was that useful?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cUseful?\u201d He countered. \u201cWho cares about \u2018useful\u2019? Wait till you see all the rainbow<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

4 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

We\u2019d accomplished a lot, researching the dead alien civilization. We deciphered their language and we even got their computers going, though it was all encrypted.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then came the breakthrough. A dig revealed a top 100 list of their pets\u2019 names.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cRight,\u201d I said, pulling up a chair to the alien login screen. \u201cThis should only take a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

5 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The concert programme said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

~ ~ MUSIC OF THE DOGS ~ ~<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s got to be a typo, I said to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The curtain raised to reveal an eclectic canine choir. The conductor, a happy puppy whose tail wagged as perfectly as a metronome, kept time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It was divine.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

6 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The Chief Astrologer summoned me to the mothership. I could feel its mass as my shuttle neared. We\u2019ve known since we became a starfaring civilization that astrology is just gravitation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThis preindustrial world,\u201d she pointed at the display, \u201cthat we\u2019re trying to influence. You chose the asteroid to fly by it?\u201d I nodded meekly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWell, we certainly \u2018influenced\u2019 it. That \u2018asteroid\u2019 turned out to be a comet, the brightest in centuries, and now there are riots in the streets!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

7 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

It was a relic of the Time War: a weapon that would send a parcel of land back in time by six months, allowing the bearer to conduct a pre-emptive strike.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now I use it on part of my garden, so that I can grow basil all year round.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

8 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The damaged spaceship\u2014it looked like a human one but not quite\u2014descended over the Atlantic, then hovered over the Gulf of Guinea, right on the equator. The location surprised everyone except us cartographers. We chuckled and made jokes about Null Island, at 0\u00b0 latitude and 0\u00b0 longitude.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said the leader of the contact team. \u201cIt\u2019s on the equator, but it\u2019s at 2\u00b020\u2032 East.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I thought for a moment about prime meridians. \u201cBetter send someone who speaks French.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

9 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The tropics had been uninhabitable for decades. We all live inside the Arctic Circle now; we figure there is another population in Antarctica, but we can\u2019t contact them: all the geostationary satellites are below the horizon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then I remember that the Internet interprets damage as censorship, and how as a child I had to fly from Miami to Havana via Toronto.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So we get our biggest lasers and point them at the moon, and spell out H-E-L-L-O in Morse code.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Next month, we get a reply.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

10 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

My parents tell me that as kids they used to lie on the grassy hill for hours and look for animal shapes in the clouds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can\u2019t do that nowadays\u2014there\u2019s allergies, lockdowns, and my friends are not even in the same city as me\u2014so instead we sit on our couches, refresh the rain radar website, and share the best ones on social media.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Here, see this one, it looks just like a whale!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

11 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

We weren\u2019t intending to find the fundamental building block of the universe, but that\u2019s what we found.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe grid is five Planck lengths along this axis,\u201d I said to the press conference, pointing in the opposing directions of Vega and Canopus, \u201cand five along this axis,\u201d I turned 90\u00b0 and pointed to Antares and Capella.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAnd five along the third axis?\u201d asked a reporter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I paused, sheepish. \u201cNo. Six.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

The fundamental building block of the universe was LEGO.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

12 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

You told us you liked brownies from the edge of the pan, so we brought you the All-Edge Brownie Pan\u2122, with dividers on the inside, now every brownie is an edge brownie.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now, for those who prefer the middle brownies, we bring you The No-Edge Brownie Pan\u2122 where every piece is from the middle!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Order now! (Add $10 for handling. Requires Boundless\u00ae or compatible four-dimensional oven. Brownie corners add to more than 360\u00b0. Do not use No-Edge and All-Edge pans simultaneously.)<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

13 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The human was too psychologically scarred from his encounter with our vessel for us to release him back into his natural habitat, so we introduced him to our zoo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But he\u2019s alone, and we know from the humans\u2019 broadcasts that they like company, so I\u2019ve been sent back to Earth to obtain a companion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And that\u2019s how I found myself creeping around a back alley, holding a laser pointer and a small cage, calling, \u201cHere, kitty kitty!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

14 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Last summer\u2019s dig uncovered a sprawling complex. We guessed it was an administrative building, full of bureaucrats keeping the old empire running. What cemented the theory was when we found a broken plaque, engraved in Latin and two scripts we didn\u2019t recognize. I read out the Latin, translating as I went:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe, the willing, led by the unknowing, \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The rest of the plaque was missing, but we all joined in to finish the saying.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

15 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

We were the Royal Astrological Telescope. Twelve of us, one born in each star sign, under constant observation for unpredicted events, to hone our astrological models.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Last year we got funding for three more Telescopes on other continents. When they were finished, we were able to infer the distance and direction of an influence using only trigonometry and the speed of fate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We were unprepared for the discovery that most influences were coming from inside our planet.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

16 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I step through the portal into a late \u201980s bedroom exactly like mine. No, not quite exactly like mine. The wallpaper is a different design, the posters are of bands I haven\u2019t heard of, their outfits familiar yet uncanny.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What else is different in this world? I ask myself. I look over to the volumes of encyclopaedias on the shelves. No, I have a quicker way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I locate Billy Joel among the tapes, pop a cassette in the boom box, and press play on \u201cWe Didn\u2019t Start the Fire\u201d.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

17 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

I made a universe, ages ago, with its own rules of algebra. Then I forgot about it. Now I look at its container and dust off the top, where I\u2019d excitedly scrawled:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

(\u00b9\u00b2\u221a2)\u00b3 \u2245 \u2076\u2044\u2085 (\u00b9\u00b2\u221a2)\u2074 \u2245 \u2075\u2044\u2084 (\u00b9\u00b2\u221a2)\u2075 \u2245 \u2074\u2044\u2083 (\u00b9\u00b2\u221a2)\u2077 \u2245 \u00b3\u2044\u2082 !!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I shrug. It must have meant something to me when I was younger, but I am more even-tempered now. I open the lid, and hear \u2026 music !!!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

18 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

TGIF! I just teleported back from work on the orbital station and I\u2019m keen to go straight to bed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

While brushing my teeth I get a whiff of caraway. I glance at the tube: \u201cSpearmint\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d been reflected during the trip back. Not again!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I rummage through the pantry for the jar of synthetic L-glucose that I keep for emergencies. I won\u2019t be able to digest normal unmirrored food so I\u2019ll be drinking nothing but this sugar syrup all weekend till work can fix me. Roll on Monday\u2026<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

19 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The Antedating Machine, by analysing the tiniest perturbations in the atmosphere, could pinpoint where and when in history a phrase was first uttered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Etymologists flocked to it, but were quickly disillusioned. It turned out that everything famous first came out of the mouth of someone not famous. Half of what we thought was Shakespeare was fifty years older than him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the end, the Machine got sold to defamation lawyers.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

20 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

One of the first things I was asked to do with the Department of Palaeontology\u2019s new time machine was to go and record some authentic dinosaur noises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I got back I was too embarrassed to share the actual sounds. They were indistinguishable from peacocks, cockatoos, lorikeets.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I went to my friend who worked in foley for the film industry and they whipped up some plausible roars and bellows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Please don\u2019t tell.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

21 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Most photographers embraced digital, but Lobo stuck with his darkroom. I asked him why.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYour best images are when you can sense your own mortality,\u201d he explained. \u201cOthers \u2026 put themselves in danger to take that special photo. I\u2019m \u2026 more hardy.\u201d Everyone knew Lobo was a werewolf.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cBut this stuff.\u201d He casually swirled a stoppered vial of silver nitrate solution. \u201cThis can kill me. For me, the danger is in the developing, not the taking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They were good photos.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

22 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Every year on the day of the winter solstice, my cat and I can talk to each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

My heart sank yesterday when I greeted my cat and all I got in return was emphatic meows. I checked the almanac and double-checked online. Had the magic left us? I slept terribly last night.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This morning, the cat was apologetic. \u201cMy people changed our time zone in March. The solstice is today instead. I did try to tell you yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

23 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Writer\u2019s block drives you to things you\u2019d never normally do. Case in point: I summoned a demon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We struck a deal. I asked the demon what it wanted in payment. My soul? My firstborn?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d said the demon. \u201cI want your typewriter. Have you any idea how hard it is to use a pen with these claws? I\u2019ve got so many stories to tell, and writing them by hand is hell.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

I never had writer\u2019s block again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

24 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

The deep space probe had a gold plaque on it, engraved with the directions and frequencies of a dozen pulsars. I keyed them into the Ship\u2019s database and all the lines converged back on a point in spacetime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Except for one line that was askew. It was more than ten degrees off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo way that\u2019s a mistake. That\u2019s got to be the next clue in the scavenger hunt,\u201d I said to the Ship. \u201cTake us to that pulsar!\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

25 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Not only did we prove our universe was a simulation, but we\u2019ve probed the hardware our simulation is running on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Well, I say \u201chardware\u201d, but we think our universe is running under a hypervisor, collocated with other universes. And thanks to a communication backchannel vulnerability in that hypervisor, we\u2019re able to talk with one of those universes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Now we think we\u2019ve found a privilege escalation, so once we\u2019ve contacted all the other universes, we\u2019re going to try and get root.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

26 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

With the loss of sea ice in the Arctic, and the hazards of Christmas logistics in 24-hour darkness, Santa Claus announced that operations would be relocating to the South Pole.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat about the scientists at Amundsen-Scott Station?\u201d one of the elves asked.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThey\u2019ll get a present too,\u201d Santa assured them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

On Christmas \u201cmorning\u201d, Amundsen-Scott woke to find they had a new neutrino detector.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

27 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Every time I went into the bathroom, my cat scrabbled frantically at the closed door.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cStop that!\u201d I scolded her, flinging the door open. \u201cThere\u2019s no secret portal in here.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The cat sauntered past me into the bathroom, and a secret portal opened. She turned to face me before stepping in. \u201cAre you coming?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

28 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Travelling to the past includes all kinds of hazards, not least of which is ensuring that you have enough\u2014and the right kind of\u2014cash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

You can\u2019t just take coins from your wallet: they\u2019re probably dated after the year you\u2019re travelling to. Banknotes have serial numbers, so there\u2019s the risk of a note meeting itself. Forget buying cash from a dealer: well-preserved money can cost a mint!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, we recommend that you simply rob a bank once you reach your destination year.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

29 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

Into a crate I threw a few board games to take to the cross-cultural event with our new alien friends: backgammon, a chess set, a few from my childhood and a couple of modern games.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

They leafed through the boxes and paused at Monopoly. \u201cWe have this game too. We call it \u2018Supremacy\u2019. It has ruined several friendships. Let us not ruin ours.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We enjoyed all the other games.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

30 June 2021<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

He pays with a banknote that has my face on it. As always, I force a smile and give him his change. He\u2019ll go back to his century tomorrow thinking he\u2019s the only history tourist who\u2019s ever done that. Jerk. Being future-famous is awful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve half a mind to not invent a time machine after all. The hell with any paradox!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Only\u2014I have all this cash that won\u2019t become legal tender unless I do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So much for free will!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ve started writing microfiction, a self-contained story that fits in a single Mastodon post. Here are the stories I’ve written up to 30 June 2021.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":3,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[68],"tags":[69,70],"class_list":["post-457","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-microfiction","tag-microfiction","tag-microfiction-2"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/457","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=457"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/457\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":461,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/457\/revisions\/461"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=457"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=457"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.icemoonprison.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=457"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}